you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
