wat bout pragnant strippers??
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
