I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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