I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
