Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
