All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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