Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
