Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
