you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize