Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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