fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
