And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
