$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
