My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
