There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize