vagina is talking i cant
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
