You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
