The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
