We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
