its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
