i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
