I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
