Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
