Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
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Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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