You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
