wakey wakey hands off snakey
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
