No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
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I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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