I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We need to rekindle our bromance
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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