im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
