I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
