I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
