How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
