You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
