thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
