My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
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where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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