I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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