Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
