I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
