listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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