but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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