I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
