If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
