I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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