After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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