Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
