Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
did i walk over a car last night?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
