you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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