Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
