It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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