doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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