so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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