Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
