Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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