We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
