He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
