nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
