I accidentally had phone sex last night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
