Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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