I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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