I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
