My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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