You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
