I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
