with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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