Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
