I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How does one acquire holy water?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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