the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
