Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
