This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize