the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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