About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
