It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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