yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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