There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
