you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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