Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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