I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
jump out the window naked night went bad
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
