I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
