Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
