YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
