I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
