Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
