Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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