I'm going to jail i love you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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