let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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