He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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