I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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