he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
